i stepped outside, and the cold warmed me up. i now felt numb on the outside too. the lamppost buzzed, and shed orange light onto the pavement. i watched white violently fly in its glow. the moonlight reflected back into itself, and everything else. it illuminated my walk home. frozen glitter caked the sidewalk, skinny trees stood still. clusters of stars bled through the deep, soft sky. i hurt my neck looking up at them. outside my house and the screen door opaque with frost, i waited for the feelings of a cinematic trope to set in. silence rang in my ears, my heart beat evenly. the cold air pressed up against my face as i thought about all the things i didn't say. everything somehow felt too familiar. i knew i would feel something once this was over. always leaving, never going. always leaving, never going.